"Drown Me," by Zaneon Meinhart

Zaneon A. Meinhart is a local singer-songwriter, composer, and Marian alumnus. This piece, which is not attached to any music at this moment, is meant to explore his complex feelings about the roles of technology in our lives. To see more of his work, check out his music under the stage name Cydonian Troubadour.

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Drown me—

In liquid dopamine:

In my ears, in my eyes, in my nose and mouth and lungs.

Leave me—

Senseless, breathless, lifeless.

Wrap the cords around my throat so that I cannot scream,

Plug up my ears so I cannot hear the screams of others.

Feed me—

A happy ending, a storybook, a lullaby to help me sleep.

Fill me—

With more pleasure than I can stand,

With enough numbness to feel empty.

Curse my ears, my eyes, my nose and mouth and lungs

For they can take no more.

Numb me—

To pain,

But also to pleasure.

The feeling too good makes the feeling too bad

So. Much. Worse.

Caress me—

Every neuron soothed to feel the perfect amount of nothing,

With enough tenderness to never want to leave.

Leave my hands wanting nothing more than to hold You: chemical, mechanical lover,

You: antidote to every venom but only for a while,

You: my addiction but also my cure through connection,

You: I wish You had never been.

I would rather be:

Drowned—

In the vivid suffering

Left—

To die without hope

Fed—

With toxins unknown than a toxin known too well

Filled—

With maggots after death than the ones you plant in my brain feasting on any crumb of life

Numbed—

By ether or alcohol or opium as I die a real death

Caressed—

By a real lover as I succumb to the darkness in their arms.

You are a curse for the ages, but one that I speak unto myself in 

Every second of every hour of every day of every year of my life—

‘Til death do us part.